But what about me? I can't take care of a baby!" He was right. He had only
changed Joshua's diaper twice, and both times had bungled it so badly that Mary
had refused to allow him to try again. And what about feeding him? Mary had
taken the greatest care to offer the baby only homemade, organically grown baby
food along with her breastmilk. Well, her breasts would be giving no more milk to
this child, or any other for that matter. He couldn't believe she was gone; this
hadn't been part of the plan.
"God, why did this have to happen?" he screamed, without emitting a sound
or even moving his lips. But he knew God had heard him. Still, there was no
answer--no flash of light, no comforting voice, nothing. What did he expect,
anyway? He thought of a scripture verse: "Blessed are those who have not seen,
yet believe." He repeated the scripture four or five times in his head, but with each
repetition believed it less. He stopped before his faith had completely faded away.
He stood up and carried an armload of wood back into the living room. His
mother-in-law was finishing off her third glass of Jack Daniels in less than an hour.